Thursday, 3 July 2014

Startling Clarity

Because when you stumbled into my life
My heart sighed so deeply and said "What took you so long?"

In a moment of startling clarity I knew. 
I live for these moments. 
I wait for them. 
Almost grabbing in the darkness of a deliciously ambiguous life. 
I search for an absolute in the otherwise blurry lines.
In a time when I thought love was something I didn't want anymore. 
Love I didn't deserve. Love I didn't receive. Love that didn't make it. 
You gave it a new meaning. 
And suddenly all those love songs,
The heart breaking movies and everything I've ever written 
Were all about you. 
I fell in love. Again. And again. 
Everyday like it was new. 
Like everyday was a fresh start. 
Everyday the Sun would come back brighter and tell me that Love was on its way.

Love told me that the distance was all in my head.
That you lay beside me, every time I turned in my sleep
And you held me tight each morning,
Not wanting me to leave
That we were out on the street all night, 
Your hand in mine.
We were like clockwork
Like a sky burst into light 
From a million shooting stars all at once
Like the inside of my stomach that flipped
Every time I heard your voice
Like the rush of a waterslide
You made me want to come up and breathe. Everyday.

We were like two parts of the same soul
Like a dancer's feet, in sync and graceful
It all still comes back to me in flashes
So vivid and real, I almost touch you
in my dreams only to be hit so hard with reality.

But repetition manifests reality.
I remember repeating your name again and again till it became my truth.
Smiling each time I said it like the counts of prayer beads
This whole beautiful person was mine with his rough edges, sharp bends.
And tiny scars that lined his soul like little thorns on desert trees.
For protection more often than attack.
This whole person was mine to hold and comfort with the palms of my hands and my heart to wrap around him during the passing storm.
I've kissed you too many times to imagine your lips on mine even when we are miles away
Felt your warmth reach my heart enough times to know how cold it can get in there
Seen you become me and me become you so many times that I can no longer tell the difference between us

We were fighting the world and we had no honour as armour or pride as knives

Just love.
Just love? They laughed so loud that I couldn't hear you say 'whatever it takes'
I couldn't hear behind the screams of hate, the love you kept so well hidden
We prayed to the same Gods
Breathed the same air,
Laughed at the same jokes,
Spoke the same words and yet, 
Yet, we couldn't be together
Because in the fight with the world
The world always wins.