Have You ?

 

Every night I lie there on my bed thinking of all the "IFs"

If I had called you when you left.

If I had stopped you when you cried

If I had hugged you when you yelled at me.

If I had married the guys my parents picked and not waited for you

If I had chosen a better career

If I hadn't had that abortion.

If I hadn't changed cities.

If I hadn't met you at all.

If I had jumped of that bridge that day.

    All these contemplations , all these IFs drive me crazy every night. I'm sure you sleep peacefully though. I'm sure you don't think about me at all. 

       Have you ever tried getting lost in your own world sometimes. A world you created for yourself out of nothingness , with people you chose and they behaved the way you'd like them . A sort of imaginary place where you make the choices and you decide how things will turn out . I have.

      Have you ever tried to do away with the pain by deciding to not feel at all . To not feel , to not think , to not love , to not hate , to not give , to not take. I have.

      Have you decided to cover old pain with new one. Have you deliberately entered a trap to hurt yourself to forget the pain you felt before the new pain . I have.

     Have you ever tried to hold on to something that broke you inside everyday. Have you ever tried not giving up on something that caused only hurt and betrayal. I have.

     Have you imagined yourself to be someone else. Have you ever wished you were someone else , because they had everything you've ever wanted. I have.
Have you ever wanted to put an end to it by putting an end to yourself. Have you ever tried to quit but failed. I have.
Have you ever forced yourself to be happy while every inch of you was crying inside. Have you ever faked a smile so that no one can see exactly how broken you are. I have.

     Have you ever tried to build your faith after every let down and tried again , but only fallen down worse. I have.

    Have you ?

This is the inspiration for today but I really liked the first picture which was the inspiration for Day 22 . But for some reason I couldn't post then so here it is. A little cheating I know , adjust please :)

This post is the last post in Kanika's Fantabulous February - Blog everyday month :( I'm feeling really bad its over you can checkout her awesome blog here .
Also Soumi is going to do Memorable March for us , so do try and join in . You can visit her blog here

Come Home

You make excuses to not hold me in the night . You makes excuses to not talk to me while we eat. You say you are too busy and stressed at work . You say they send you on field too much. You say its too early for kids . You say you want to concentrate on your career. I don't remember the last time you said you loved me. I don't know why you don't kiss me anymore when you leave the house. I don't know why you don't leave those little love notes around for me to find these days. I don't know the last time we went out as a couple. Its because of her isn't it ?. I don't question, because I fear the answers. I don't face it because then you'll face it too. You don't love me anymore. Our little tea cup has a storm brewing in it. The chillness of it all kills me inside. But I'm hopeful that the flavour of my love is still alive in you somewhere. I'm holding the string of your promises. I'm hoping you'll change your mind. 
Come home baby , come home.

This post is a part of Kanika's Fantabulous February - Blog everyday month :D I love her blog :D Go see it here NOW !!!! Try and join us =)

Counting my blessings :)

You know when  something goes wrong in your life , you actually get time to think while you mourn . You start appreciating the little things and those people that were always there but you overlooked them while everything was happy and normal. Those people that are there like a background music to your life , always playing when you decide to stop and turn around , to share your dreams and experiences with. I have quite a handful of them . My special people , my pillars of strength and my confidants :D I have never really mentioned anyone on this blog elaborately but I am nothing without these people . Thank you all :')

( This is a very private post, if you don't give a damn . Don't read . Simple )

" The greatest happiness of life 

is the conviction that we are loved

 Loved for ourselves or 

rather loved inspite of ourselves "

                                                    - Victor Hugo

Karishma 

  Now how do I start about her , my pillar of strength since 18 years . Yes 18 years . I know her for so long that I don't remember not knowing her. I have shared stories of my first crush , first heartbreak , first feeling of loss , always the first to know about my chotu motu happiness and first to be there to catch the tears. I have never been so comfortable in crying with someone . Laughed for no reason and cried like babies on the same steps outside our homes. I have shared the most amazing years of my life with this retarded person here . Her family is my family and my family is hers . She is family .
    The drama we do is very special to me my jiggerypoo and I can't imagine my life without you . In my words " The day karishma stops speaking to me , I should just commit suicide cause I've probably lost everyone " :P She is my work buddy and my sunshine , the person who rolls her eyes and nods her head at my insane ideas and still says " Chal karte hain DUDE " The person for whom I would take a train from Mahim to Churchgate at 6.30 after I'm exhausted from work just to have Churchgate station ki coffee and gossip on bench number 1 or 4 of the platform .The person who'll buy me sunflowers just to make me smile randomly and who'll go out of her way to drop me home just so that we can spend more time together and also cause I force her :P .The person who stands with a stick when I'm going wrong and even hits me with it . No kidding. If the concept of soul mates exists we are probably the perfect example. Yeah we are better than most couples , if we were not straight we'd probably be adopting kids as a gay couple right now. Moving on , she doesn't judge and she doesn't question , she only understands. Tum nai hote toh kya hota baby :P I love you for being the reason of my happiness for too long :*

Ketki

Ketki Ketki Ketki :D My Rasmalai , my kaju ki barfi , my rasgula , my chocolate chip cookie shake :*

  She is my everything including my mom. Very literally. She is my mom. 

I have known her for 2 years and I don't remember life without her. Period. We have crazy fights , ego hassles even but I can't live without her. Her hugs make my day and she is the only person who can make me smile in front of the camera ( yeah I'm awkward like that ). She made me into a hug person. I remember when we first met in FYBCOM , I would sit next to her in the lectures cause I didn't know anyone else and at 7 am you really don't want to make friends so I would never talk, but then one day I did and it hasn't stopped since then. She is my indulgent buddy we go to posh places and eat expensive things , something I don't do with anyone else.:P

    Ketki is there when I need her the most , always comforting always understanding and sometimes we hurt each other but I don't think she can live without me either. :P We don't have to speak everyday and we don't have to meet everyday but our butterfly cupcakes and our building meetings are special. We write wishes on normal trees and we eat chocolate waffles at 8.30 in the morning.  I drop her to work on my day off just to spend time with her and she knows when I've cried even if I'll never accept it. The person who'll always show me the right thing to do but will still stand by me while I do the wrong , the person who lets me learn from my mistakes and then covers them up with a hug. The  person who listens to my CRAZY ideas and says " I think you should sleep " :P The person who'll remove the ring she's wearing and put it on my finger because I like it so much and the person who'll buy me gifts unnecessarily . I told you she is my mom. She spoils me. I lovu :D I think she's beautiful inside and out,she's my bestfriend. 

Abhishek

Meet my favourite retard Abhishek . I've known him for 4 years now and what amazing 4 years they have been , so strange also. Life is strange. He is the silent pillar of strength for me . Always there but quietly . I have said this to many people but never to him but he is always there on my worst days , somehow . I don't know how he does it , but when I think I've had the worst day ever a simple conversation with him or a chance meeting makes my day. I don't even need to tell him I'm sad. He is my happiness friend. A charmer and a favourite among the ladies though I don't get why cause he can be very annoying. VERY ANNOYING.  

 His sense of humour is epic . We don't really get into the details about each other's life but somehow we don't have to. Being friends with him is as easy as  1..2..3 . Yet he makes it to this list which means he is VERY important. He will shout at me when he has to and will give me the correct advice in the most blunt way possible. He's not said a single nice thing to me since I've known him and now I've just given up hope. He will not know what to do when I cry so I spare him the pain of making me stop. But he can make me laugh and smile when I need it the most.

   I could tell him my deepest secrets and be sure he will tell the rest of the world , digestive problems he suffers from :P but I still share my chotu motu happiness with him and I'm very proud to have someone as amazing as him in my life. He's emotionally non-expressive , socially challenged and mentally 5 years old. He is stubborn and highly condescending but he's still  someone who is indispensable from my life because somewhere behind all this he has a gentle heart , a caring nature and an honest opinion about everything. He hurts easy but doesn't show it , and he is non expressive but very emotional. I know him better than he gives me credit for and I love him , yes I do ( Did this make you awkward abhishek :P well too bad :) )

Binjal

We don't eat the same food ( She's Jain , they don't eat food ). We don't wear the same clothes . We don't have the same group of friends. We don't have a similar personality and we are not even studying the same course. She's not on facebook also IMAGINE. We are poles apart but probably the closest poles ever made. Opposites attract happened to us shayad :P

  She is my sunshine , my teacher , my inspiration and my idol. Chota package bada dhamaka. I've had the most insane talks and meetings with her. She is someone I don't have to see even in months but someone whose closer to me than people that see me everyday. We don't even meet on each other's birthday sometimes. We don't have to. That's us. She is the best thing that has been happening to me since 2008. Our swing dates are as good as a romantic dinner :P and in that little meeting we can share every single detail about each other's life. She is so full of life that you can be anything but sad around her. She is my happiness maker. She creates happiness :D

   The person who will understand the most inner feelings I possess and provide life changing theories on them :P Someday the uncle in the next building is going to leave his top floor terrace garden flat to us in his will and we are going to be rooomies . It could happen okay - " and I leave my house to the two girls that sit on the swing in the next building and lust my house " So simple. A phone call with this beautiful person makes my week and a meeting makes my month . It usually doesn't work when two people are so busy and see each other online on gtalk but just can't stop for a chat. But it does for us , effortlessly. I love you sunshine :*

Vishant

 Vishant is my very special friend. I've known him since my first day in college. Its interesting how I remember the precise details. I met him through a friend of his from school who was my acquaintance and you know how it is , first day of college you want to make as many friends as possible , be considered "cool" etc. I met him shook hands , rather awkwardly and shared minor details about our schooling and then said  bye. I met alot of people that day as prospective
friends in the similar fashion , come on 5 years to be spent in this hell  hole. But when I came back home I told my mom only about him , what I said was " I met this guy from XYZ school , I think we'll make great friends " :D ( yeah you didn't know that did you? :) )
    Vishant is my postivity friend :D Everyone needs a him in their life. He is just so awesomely cute and socially awkward sometimes. We've had some amazing times , heart to heart talks and indulgent cupcakes :P I could never be bored of him. We've had our own set of issues like any two people but he is someone I would never want to lose. He is the inspiration for this blog as well BTW and I can't thank him enough for that . He is always encouraging and non judgementally understanding . He is the only person I genuinely feel like hugging when I meet him. We don't get to often these days but that doesn't change a thing. Vishant Pachisia you are one special cookie and I love having you in my life . Thank you for everything. :D I louuu you :D
Ps : If you move to NEW YORK , I swear I'm coming right behind you . Don't go man :( I'll seriously pile on and become rooomies with you :D :D What fun ,  then soon after you'll throw me out due to your OCD but still :P :D

Yaashna

My bestfriend since 6th Std. I've lost touch with most of my friends from school , sometimes voluntarily and sometimes due to the other reasons. But Yaashna has always been there , never giving up on me , never judging , never misunderstanding and never letting me feel alone . She is the reason why I have such high expectations of people because there is someone who cares for me enough to do anything, literally anything for me .
  Yes , I am a human and like most selfish humans I take her for granted too , I wish could not. She is someone who understands the silence , the thought process and also my next move from the look on my face. She gets happier than me when I have a romantic experience because that's just how it is :P She made me understand what being the best friend means , most people can't live up to that . She does it effortlessly. Thank you for standing beside me through whatever , good and bad . She'll play along even when I'm doing the wrong thing and face the consequences with me. She is the person who needs my approval when she dates someone and who'll eat manhattan fries with me even when she has food poisoning . She's the one whose mom will make food for me and dad will drop me home from school. The awesome feeling when your bestfriend's family considers you as a member. With exceptions ofcourse I'm going to marry her hot cousin , therefore I am in no way related to him whatsoever. Then we'd be sister in laws *hi 5*. She's my soul sister . She writes me a letter each year on my birthday and sometimes even otherwise to let me know how awesome I am , I'm not actually. But she makes me feel like I am. I'm lucky to have YOU Yaashna. Thank you :) I love you :*

Mohnish

Monu :D He was my senior at office ,  
though I never treated him as one. He's the newest addition to my world. He is so quiet and shy sometimes I really wonder how we are friends . Monu is someone who'll be there for you in the middle of the night and bring you icecream when you really need it. My 2 am friend , to get anything out of him all I have to do is make a puppy face and say " Pleasee Monu "

   The first person to dry the tears and first person to get excited with you when you are happy. He'll listen to all my yap yap without getting tired and then say " Kya paagal hai tu " :P

Who could have thought I would be so close with someone from office , though now he is become Bada Aadmi and works at the BIG 4. Our drives , long conversations and aivaye meetings on railway stations are special to me . He is the only person who physically hit me when I stopped talking to him for sometime . Imagine , so strong he is . He hit me :| 
I don't have to talk to him all day nor everyday but I just have to say " Monuuuu" and he'll be there. So many years he was in Hydrebad hence he couldn't enter my life earlier, never the minds . Its never too late.  >:D< Love you Monu. :D 

Raj

I  have known him for 2 years now, and i don't remember exactly when we became such good friends. Ekdum like falling in friend love :P

I can share anything with him and he will not judge , he will actually encourage my nonsense and even add to it :P.

  I don't talk to him everyday either ( Yeah I'm saying that alot I know , job and all that don't get time :( )

But even with him , I don't have to speak everyday but when we do it starts from where we stopped last time, effortlessly. My every happiness is shared and sadness is divided with him. The number of times he has said " Strong Bano , don't let something affect you so much " I really appreciate it Raj :) He keeps experimenting with his hair , which I hate and say " Cheee " everytime he shows me but I still love him . He is awesome . He is someone who will listen to everything you say with immense patience and your secrets will always remain safe with him. He is someone who will not let me run from my problems and say " Face it , main hoon na " ( Insert srk hand action :P ) When I reach my saturation point and know I want to quit CA , I'm going to become Shimla main travel guide with him :P That is a plan B if you want to call it. Thank you Raj for always being there , standing strongly ALWAYS :D :)

Okay so with this I end my list of super special people . I know only these people are going to read the post till the end , so its okay.

PS : This list is in no particular order . Don't argue

PPS : Ofcourse there are other people in my life , but these are like my Awesome 8 :D The other people should not feel bad , you'll are special too maybe we can have a part 2 for this :) 

The little thing called Hope :)

Her first dream , her first love

Dance was her chance to fame they said

She pranced so gracefully all day

For whoever wanted to see

What a beauty she could be.

Then one day her world came crashing down

Without a warning or a single sound

The doctor said she couldn't dance no more.

Her feet didn't have the strength to grow

The cancer had reached the centre of her bone

She tried to swing but only groaned

She watched the other girls moving their feet

So gracefully and so much at peace

She missed the days when she walked the stage

When the applause was deafening , difficult to gauge

It's then when she saw how much she missed

She had lost her hair

But the truth was this

Dance was the language of her soul

Even if it meant moving with the help of a pole

She wanted to shine like a crazy diamond

And not be a coal.

She put her dancing shoes back on.

She went through chemo everyday

Tired and in pain she ended each night

But determined to come out a winner in this fight.

She made her way to recovery

With a zeal for life

She beat the cancer and won over the strife

Yes life is tough and it will put you down

Don't fret , don't fear

Don't kneel , don't frown

Make your way and live it through

For a better me and a better you

Sometimes the most important thing to you falls apart. Sometimes the thing closest to your heart smashes to pieces in front of your own eyes. Your biggest dreams remain just that ..Dreams. 
But you know what the least you can do for yourself is not give up on that one thing that makes you complete :) 

  Khud bhi utho , aur uss baawri umeed ko bhi uthao

This post is a part of Kanika's Fantabulous February - Blog everyday month :D I love her blog :D Go see it here NOW !!!! Try and join us =)

                                               

Happy Six Months To Me :*

Every single day I go to office since the past six months and pretend I'm enjoying what I do , not for anyone else but me , to keep doing it happily . But guess what BREAKING NEWS. I don't enjoy what I'm doing and I rather be doing something more productive , not that this isn't in some lame way but I wish I was doing something better. So one of these days when the drama failed THIS happened . Heavy ranting ahead. 
( On gtalk with another CA friend)me: i'm waiting

  ki exam kab chalu ho and uss bahane toh chutti mile.

UdanKhatola: Hahaha

 me: KABHI BHI 

  wait nai kiya exam ka

  fuckall bana di hai life meri

  chartered accountant !!!

  ghanta

  mujhe karna hi nai hai

  jaane do be

 UdanKhatola: Haahahaha

 me: sachi don't laugh

  i don't carehow much tax you have to pay

  and whether you deducted tds at the correct rate. I don't care if your processes are in orderand if you are showing all your income and making all the diclosure , Menu ki man .

  I really dont care

  chahiye toh main bharti hoon tera tax

  mujhe maaf kar par

  :|

                   main roz dream karti hoon

  ki maine sir ko mera

  resignation letter 

  thama diya

  and he says

  " i knew it BluBluBling, you didn't have it in you " ( It would be hilarious if he said Blublubling :P )

  YES EXACTLY

                     I don't have it in me

 
UdanKhatola: Hahahahahaa

 me: to be a chartered

  accountant

  i'm made for better things

 UdanKhatola: Hahahheheehhe

                   me: has rahi hai

  i am frustrated

  :|

 UdanKhatola: Same state hai nah mera bhi

 me: I'm emotionally frustrated &

  professionally frustated

  continously tick tick tick chalta rehta hai dimag main thinking of something or the otherI don't remember the last time I was blank and nothing was crossing my mind.

  Sometimes I feel brain main koi nerve phat gayi tohMain toh gayi na . Par padi hai kisiko?I want a day when I have " NOTHING " written in block letters on my to-do listMid life crisis I'm having and I'm not even 20 *panics*UdanKhatola : hahahahahhhame : Stop laughing Roz sochti hoon chalo aaj band hi karte haiShift hojate hai BANGALORE dude , mast thandi city haiSo jaate hai log 10 bajeJaate hain wahan , kuch accha padhte hai . Hostel life new atmosphere new people.But no , 10.30 ki train pakad ni haina late hogaye toh. Office jaana hai who has the time to shiftme : Waise toh I don't have time to meet anybody. Par by chance koi mil gaya aur poochta hai ki What was the highlight of your day? . Pehle toh dus minute sochna padega , highlight ? day ? what? Phir niklega : Woh actually today I completed 6 months at office :). # little joysYA it is a little joyAage ke 2.5 years + extension dikh raha hai mujhe tohLag gayi hai life ki puch matIsliye khudko khush karne ke liye worst 6 months of my life ko celebrate kiya . ^ HIGHLIGHT !!Will you say something I'm ranting ?UdanKhatola:  hahahahah , I'm busy laughing :Pme : :|Raat ko ghar jaake all I do is sleep . Meri maa ko lagta hai paying guest hoon.       Tv kaisa dikhta hai aaj kal , I don't remember only ?PARTHIV PATEL , is playing in the cricket team . DO YOU KNOW ? I didn't SOCH !!!Koi CA kar raha hai aisa when I come to know na , and asks me for adviceAndar andar I sadistically laugh and go muahahah tu bhi kar suffer . Ok Bas bye :P

PS : Sorry for the language if it offended anyone. This is frustration meets PMS at best , so adjust please :P PPS : My dear UdanKhatola is a very dear friend. My best friend since the past 18 years ( *wink* at udankhatola) . Yeah 18 years , thats like almost all my life . Yeah , we are awesome we know. She is new to blogger . Lets welcome her :) at Chai, Crayons, Cupcakes and all that.. 

Someday :)

I break everything I try to hold on to

I crush everything I touch

I'm just looking for some answers

Not asking for much.

The hours roll on and days pass by

I try my best to smile but just heave a sigh

Don't look for the answers

Let them come to you.

Don't close your mind and soul

To old and new.

I try and look beyond your words

To find love behind the hate

Care behind the silence

Feelings and emotions that you try to evade.

Through the good times and bad

Through happy times and sad

You'll be here you said

Time and again you mouthed a lie.

I'm trying to rise above this all

Trying to avoid another fall

With my heart protected by the walls of my mind

Someday ,somewhere I know I'll find

A beautiful love , a silly place

A glorious treasure , inside a maze.

Yet you keep coming to me , like that summer day

You keep coming to me , like that winter break

You are everywhere like the sky.

Like the twinkle in my eye. 

So much I have to ask , so much to tell .

I was the storm that gave you hell. 

Because words will never be enough to convince you

I'm hoping someday you'll see the feelings too.

This post is a part of Kanika's Fantabulous February - Blog everyday month :D I love her blog :D Go see it here NOW !!!! Try and join us =)

Potato Patato

( Disclaimer : Excessively girly post ahead . If your manhood cannot handle it . Skip it. If you think you can and later want to throw tomatoes at me , it will be criticized. You have been warned. )

   

As a kid , being a single child was never really tough for Kia. Yes sure , she'd have loved to have siblings but she was such a self absorbed child that she didn't really need anyone. She would play around in her own house , not with dolls mind you . She was a total boy back then . She played with G.I.Joes , video games and mechanic sets. Ofcourse she had friends , and she played with them too but she preferred being to herself. 

     Her mom always said no one would even notice if she was in the house , she was that quiet . Its the same even now  sometimes. She's a quiet person. Then her parents started getting paranoid and worried that she'd end up being a loner or a couch potato if she didn't get out of the house. She was not a loner , she was just a happy kid. They sent her off to various summer camps , sport camps and playgroups time and again. She made friends there too , alot of friends but being with  herself was a pleasure she was not wanting to sacrifice.

     One day her mom literally pushed her out of the house to go and play downstairs. She was so mad at her . Kia was just about to complete the robot she had made with her blocks but she didn't let her finish. She walked with droopy shoulders and dragged her feet to the playground outside her complex. She didn't see anyone she knew there that day. In a way she was happy , she could now go home and say there is no one to play with. That's when she first saw him , curly hair , honey brown eyes and a head that was not in proportion with the rest of his body. It was a huge. The day when she was first saw Sam ,  Kia was only 7 , she doesn't remember what made her do it but she went towards him. She touched his back and introduced herself , he didn't even look at her . He went about his business looking for something. " Hey , I'm Kia and you? " she said. He was still not looking at her and then she found what he was looking for , that beautiful smile appeared on his face as he held out for her to see a four leaf clover . " My mom said that these things are very lucky , if you find one your wish comes true! " he exclaimed with great excitement. " Ok well , good for you " she said with a shrug of her shoulders . " Hey , want to play on the swings ? " he asked as she was turning to leave. " Sure " she said as she pranced behind him while he led them to the swing.
       They saw each other everyday since then , in the same park. Everyday at the same time they would come and play their silly games . She had stopped being quiet , stopped keeping to herself . She had actually started enjoying someone's company more than her own. They  never needed anyone else. They had other friends but this was much more than normal friendship. Their mothers started hanging out too , Sam was like family now. Time passed by and years rolled on, nothing changed. The same park , the same them and the same everyday meeting ritual . Yeah , the games changed , from peek - a - boo to truth and dare , the talks changed from cartoon network to crushes , sex , parties and the sorts. But still it seemed like time had been still since the day she had first  met him. Sam had changed her life , he had opened a world in her she kept hidden so well under the veil of shyness. She told him things she wouldn't tell anyone else, she had started sharing her innermost fears and doubts with him. He understood her silence.He was her bestfriend.
       Today Kia had to meet Sam at the park at 9 sharp . He had said  he wanted to tell her something very important. Knowing the Sam she knew , she assumed he was going to say " Kia , I doped last night and passed out at Rishi's place , you should have been there man " As she made her way down the familiar road she thought how lucky she was to have Sam . Sam who'd be at her door at 3 am when she needed him. Sam who would stand outside her window with ice cream and cookies when she broke up with her boyfriend. Sam who'd take her all the way to Lonavla at 12 in the night only because she said she was  bored. Sam, she spent hours on the phone with tirelessly. She could see him standing next to their bench as she walked through the freshly mowed grass. "Yes , shoot." she said as she faced him. He just looked at her and smiled "Sit " he said . He was scaring her  now , a passing out incident should not be taking so much time for him to reveal , what had he done this time she thought nervously.
      As she stared at him with a terrified expression he slowly got down on one knee and said the most beautiful words she had ever heard :
   " Kia , I love you . You know the day when we met the first time. I was looking for a four leaf clover , I wanted to wish for a friend. I was lonely and didn't have anybody and there you were with your ponytail swinging behind you. You are the best thing that is still happening to me Kia. Life with you makes perfect sense and without you is something I don't even want to try. I want to have pretty babies with you and grow old with you. I want to come home to you after a tough day at work. I want to go on exotic holidays with you. I want to push your shopping cart while you shop . I want to make you happy . I want to fight with you and then make up just as quickly , I want to watch the whole star trek series with you and I want to try watching twilight cause you love it so much. I want to watch you while you read and I want to look at you as you fall asleep in my arms . Marry me."

PS : I ended it at the proposal because I don't need to tell you what happened next. Do I ? Ofcourse Kia will marry Sam , she loves him since forever. There was a emotional tearing up and I love you too followed by a passionate kiss. Come on , you know the drill.
PPS : Kia and Sam are my imaginary friends. They build my faith in love each time I see it failing in someone else's life and sometimes my own. They have been married 2 years now and will soon be having a baby boy . Yeah I know its a boy . Don't question my imagination .Ok? Okay. 

Open Letter to My Boss

Dear Sir ,
    My pleasantries to you. Since we have never really communicated besides across a wooden table I'd like you to know a few things.Firstly , to your great surprise and maybe horror let me inform you that I do not want to do this job . Yes , I do not want to. I do it because a certain  Institute of Chartered Accountants of India forces me to. I do it because I don't want to be a dummy ( pun intended ). I do it because I could do with the little extra cash besides my pocket money. I'd rather be reading books , blogging all day or going out and meeting new people. I curse the day I decided to be a Chartered Accountant. I don't think I even decided , it just looked like the right and convenient thing to do. Now that I'm smarter and have tested the waters I wish I hadn't .Yet here I am.
     Moving on , let me also tell you that I have a busy life and schedule , I wake up at 6 on a wintry morning with great displeasure and go to college. Everyday. Then when I think I'll go home and sleep , I am reminded that I have a lot of responsibilities now and I have to report to work at 10.30 sharp. I make my way to the railway station and catch the train like a ninja just to make sure I'm not late. Once at work I audit accounts , look at the same mundane and dull figures , and check the statutory compliance . What fun no ? No .
     Anyway every time I walk into office and you ask me why do I look so tired , it bugs the hell out of me. Cause you see I don't have a life , I'm running around all day, I barely sleep for 6 hours on an average and if you expect me to look like Miss Universe early in the morning you need to shut up . Really . Shut up. I really don't want to add to my miseries by thinking I look like an old hag all the time.Finally when I come back home or leave from work , I want to be free of stress and not receive work related mails. My working hours are 10 - 6 . Period. Your sense of humour is horrible and your jokes are not funny. I laugh only to please you. Oh wait , no I don't laugh . Cause they really are not funny. When you make snide remarks at my intelligence or inefficiency or the likes , I feel like putting my birth certificate up your face and say I'm 19 , I'm still new to this and I barely know anything . It is you who has to teach me .
     My day just so you know does not end with work , it ends with evening class. Yeah , I'm sure it slipped your mind . I am still a student . I have classes to attend , studying to do and exams to give. I have a tough time maintaining the few friends that I have cause I barely see them. People wonder where I have disappeared and why I'm ignoring them. Loop Mobile has started calling me to ask , why my number is so inactive lately. Really they do that , they are nice people. This job has taken small talk out of my life , I have nothing to share about my day and oh wait , no one to share it with either. Who has the time to socialize. ? In the past 6 months , I have fallen ill 16 times , but I still work on such days as well so as to not go through the dreaded extension period. So when I ask for leave oblige and don't criticize , I must be close to death.
     Just so you know your fraternity cheated on me , they said everything would get okay after CPT , it will be easy , then they said IPCC is the stepping stone . Then they said once you clear that you are through and life is all butterflies and ponies and articleship is a fun learning experience. I'm waiting for the fun to begin. Where is the fun ? Also I have a broken heart but guess what I don't even have the time to mourn . I wrote this letter to you over a week ,I don't have enough time to write a letter in one go. Do you see what this is doing to me ? If tomorrow's headlines read "Frustrated CA trainee kills her boss" don't think it could not happen to you .

                                                                                                                                                     
Love

                                                                                                                                               Me.

PS : These are Blublubling's views about no one in particular. The real person behind the name should not be questioned. This is a work of fiction. It is not about my boss, or your boss or anybody's boss. My office is amazing , my boss is a gem of a person and he does not ill treat me . I'm lucky to have got such a comfortable work environment :)

Balloons . Eh , What ?

I'm in search of the perfect balloon or maybe I'm not. Maybe I don't want a balloon , maybe I just want a marshmallow which I will devour all by myself by the fire and be happy about . Marshmallow is nice you know , versatile also. You can have it as a topping , you can dip in chocolate sauce or you and go all wild and even make a barbeque out of it .But no God and his mysterious ways. Just when you are about to eat your marshmallow happily, someone comes along and wants to be your balloon. They come in varied shapes , sizes and colors but how do you decide and settle on the perfect balloon.Then there are also the problems on how to choose. Some just look pretty but are full of hot air. Some may seem perfect at first but as soon as you take your eyes off them , they are gone. Some are the good looking ones , those you always want to have but they are too pricey and when you do manage to get them you wish you hadn't invested so much into them. How do you know that yes THIS is the balloon I want. This is the balloon for which I would want to give up all my rules , bend all my beliefs and just not think.

   Balloons bring along with them alot of butterflies in your stomach. They ask you about your day and if you had lunch. Then they pretend to listen and actually sympathise with your rants about ze parents , ze job and the big and small disappointments life throws at you. They are cool like that , they listen . A balloon that smiles at your idiosyncrasies and actually thinks they are cute. A balloon that is the exact blend of funny and yet not cocky. A  balloon that you can kiss and cuddle with . A balloon that you  want to hug at the end of the day.A balloon that mocks you and fights with you those mushy fights. A balloon that calls you just to say it loves you. The balloon you spend hours texting. So nice no ? NO. Anyway the phase after finding the balloon is supposed to be bliss , well so I hear . Until ofcourse your balloon starts liking someone else more or you just lose the grip with which you were holding it , so trustingly thinking it would sit by you always.
    In the wide variety of balloons and in a world where everyone is chasing and searching for the perfect balloon , there are people who are sick of this race. Sick , of the let downs . Sick of  their earlier balloons having gone through painful deaths at the end of cigarette butts , needles and sometimes your own sharp nails. A balloon that didn't last as long as it should have , a balloon that lost its lustre way before time. A balloon that turned into airless rubber. Such balloon burst incidents put you off balloons for a while , a long while .All you want to do this sit in your room and not look at the world full of people that have already found their balloons. So you stop going out , stop leaving your room and even if you have to, you walk with your eyes closed. You do not want to accidentally run into a cute pink balloon now , do you ?
    While you are carefully treading trying not to fall or bump into a pillar ,( Eyes closed., right ? ) you still miss that one balloon . The cute yellow balloon. A color you don't usually prefer , but then thats love isn't it . Common sense tends to betray you at these times. You still have the rubber of the deflated balloon , you still look at it sometimes and sigh so deeply but then you've moved on but not ready for new balloons yet. There you are pinning over than one beautiful balloon that you let go off while trying to hold on to something else. A balloon that made you truly happy.A balloon that stood apart from the rest but whose life was short. Finding a new balloon starts sounding like a bad , VERY bad idea. It  happens though , eventually. It  takes some time , a new kind of trust and little bit of pixie dust. :)

PS : If the above post didn't make sense to you . Well. Okay. 
PPS : If you have't had enough of BALLOOOOOON in the last 5 mins . Here is some more . :P

Also this post , is a complete work of fiction . Anybody ooops any balloon that decides to take offence and wants to confront me , let me tell you your questions will not be entertained :)