Friday, 3 August 2012

Just Another Story

Aayushi grew up in an orphanage. She didn't know what it meant to have a family. To celebrate festivals together , to go on family dinners.
  When she married Vikram , her college mate and then colleague she was welcomed by a large joint family. Vikram's 4 uncles , their kids and his grandparents too all lived in the same locality. They all bought homes close to each other to be able to drop in at any time and not let a busy life disturb some family time. There was never a day when Aayushi and Vikram would be alone. Tina maami would get the pickles one day and his mother would bring home the Besan ladoos the next, or her father in law would just drop in for a chat and tea.
  Aayushi and Vikram didn't have much privacy even in the early years of marriage. But Aayushi didn't mind that , all the love she had missed in the early years was suddenly coming to her in large volumes. Vikram's grand mother read the Bhagwat Gita to her every morning and they prayed together. Aayushi had voluntarily decided to be a housewife, sometimes she did freelancing writing jobs from home but mostly she was not working. Vikram was excelling in his career as well, and they had a good married life.
   Aayushi was brought up as a Catholic, since she lived in a shelter home belonging to the Church. She was taught to pray in the church, which she visited sometimes even after marrying Vikram , she didn't know what her religion was , she was orphaned in the Riots that took place in Mumbai in '93. But Vikram's family had taken to her very well, never making her feel like an orphan again. Much to her surprise they didn't even object to the marriage and had decided to meet her before they took the final decision. Aayushi had charmed them that day, she was smart , beautiful and warm. Vikram was proud of her , she had won over the whole family just the way she won him over.
 Two years after they got married. Vikram and she decided to have a baby , Vikram was doing well enough to support a family and Aayushi too wanted to be a mother. She had wanted to be a mother since the day she had cradled her toy doll in her arms and dressed her up . She wanted a daughter just like that doll. She smiled at every kid in the park when she went on her evening strolls. Once when Aayushi fainted in the supermarket suddenly ,and was rushed to the hospital the doctor announced that she was pregnant. Vikram's happiness knew no bounds. He couldn't wait to hold his baby in his arms. 
   7 months 28 days later Aayushi gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. They named her "Ahana" which means first rays of the Sun.

                    ----------------------------------The End ------------------------------------------

That's it . The story is over. What? It feels incomplete? Leaves you with a confused expression does it ? That's cause no one takes well to happiness anymore. Even if everything is fine and things are blissful we tend to find the crack and see from where sadness can creep in , we are never content , never.
  Rainbows and ponies and colorful balloons don't exist even in our imagination anymore. We complain, crib and refuse to see the sunny side of things . A happy story doesn't touch you as much as a painful one does. You almost felt like something terrible was going to happen as you read each line. That's how cynical we have become.
 I read this really nice paragraph somewhere and it changed my perspective :

Sometimes in life we feel so blue, 
but someone somewhere is not happy as you.
Somewhere far at the border when a soldier sleeps, 
missing his loved ones he silently weeps. 
Somewhere a mother painfully sighs cause, 
her new born baby didnt open her eyes.  
Somewhere a poor dad silently cries, 
when he sees his son begging for a bowl of rice. 
Somewhere in an orphanage a little gal is sad,  
when she misses her mom and dad. 
So at times a reason to smile you may not have any,  
say to yourself that you are happier than many. 
''cause life is beautiful and its not always blue, 
and someone somewhere is not as happy as you......
there is no way for happiness, HAPPINESS is the way


Love Marriage ya Arranged Marriage ?


On this day,
I give you my heart, 
My promise, 
That I will walk with you
Hand in hand,
Wherever our journey may lead us, 
Living, learning, loving,
Together.
Forever.
 
   I live in a country where only 3 things are important food , money and MARRIAGE in precisely the same order .You may wonder about our obsession with the same and find no answer to it whatsoever. When you put all three of  these things together you are pushed into the world of the GREAT INDIAN WEDDING phenomenon. Remember the last time you went to a grand wedding and wondered what a bomb was spent on the same and how much you could have done with that money.? Well being a CA student I know how much money can do and where it can do it.. Blowing it on a wedding is such a waste of the world's resources , it depresses me.
   
   But the topic in hand is not weddings but the epic question that surrounds it , Love Marriage or Arranged.? What's the difference you may ask , well its just like Potato Patato, same thing different sounds. Ok fine maybe its like Potato and Tomato but thats it . Honestly speaking they are no different , both of them are equal amount of work and have an equal probability of giving you the satisfaction of marital bliss. So why  this big debate and why always this one question.? How many times have you looked at someone's wedding ring and sheepishly asked that one nosey question "Love marriage.?"

   We all have myths and assumptions about both these methods of vowing to someone for life. If its a love marriage it must have been against the family. If its an arranged marriage the girl must be married for the money. If its a love marriage it must be inter caste and if its an arranged marriage it must be in the same sub section of the religious community. Says who?  A love marriage can be with the willful and happy consent of the family , an arranged marriage can be an inter caste marriage and it can be because the two people actually liked each other and not their bank balance. In an arranged marriage you don't just marry the boy you also marry the family . Why? In a love marriage the boy abandons his family? Highly unlikely.

    But no our nosey aunties never know how to mind their business and commercialize even the beautiful union of two beings into one. A wedding is usually the catalyst for ten other weddings cause how can Sharmaji not marry his daughter away to a  rich NRI just because Vermaji did , his daughter is pretty  too , capable enough to get a good catch. Cause marriage is not about the togetherness and the bond but about financial security. Its not about whether your likes, interests and dreams match but whether you have 10 house properties in 10 different states and one in "Am-rica" wouldn't hurt too. So what then , the youth of the nation is stuck in this mess just trying to find  a good match , someone they can come home to in the evening , someone to share a good life with while their parents scan balance sheets and call their contacts for a detailed background check. I know people who sent spies behind their future son/daughter in law just to be sure, weeks before the wedding. Yes Indians are a mad bunch of people. Eligible bachelors and bachelorettes are difficult to find so they must be trapped before someone else lays their eyes on them

   So what the young generation conveninetly does is finds their match themselves and names it love marriage. Usually its someone they work with, or someone they've known for long or just someone who made voilins play and dancers in the heart do the Kathak. I call it the marry a friend concept. Its so easy and convenient to marry someone you have known as a friend first than just a romantic partner. Someone who knows you in and out and knows all your quirks , has seen you in bermuda shorts and probably won't spit their drink when they see you without makeup. There is just no need to impress cause well you've already done enough crap in front of them to make a brand new image.The level of understanding and the instinct to compromise comes easily. In an arranged marriage from the start the idea of more compromise than normal is in our minds but in a  love marriage when the exact  same compromises need to be done you start feeling like ,you didn't sign up for this or the person has changed. Love marriages can't live upto the great expectations we keep on them and then they break making our elders look like the smart ones while they  give us the pityful look that says " I told you so"

People think that if you love somebody hard enough then everything is just gonna work out. People are wrong. - One Tree Hill

  I'm a true believer in arranged marriage, one cause I have seen many successful ones around me and two cause I think the whole thing about getting to know a person so closely, staying and adapting with them is beautiful. There is not a single person in the world that you cannot learn to love after you know their story. And an arranged marriage is based on exactly that. There will be awkwardness , a little hesitation and a little shyness but when the bond is finally forged there is nothing that could replace it and it would be like it has always been there. People misconceptualise an arranged marriage as a loveless marriage , which is far from true. My parents , your parents and most parents had arranged marriages and they worked out pretty well didn't they.? Well most of them did. Love is the only thing that will eventually make or break the marriage. Love always has to be the largest piece in the jigsaw, it can make up for a lot. There will be tough times in both the scenarios wether you fell in love before or after the wedding but what will make the rainbow come out when it rains is the Love.


  Now with changing times and liberal views as opposed to the early dictatorships experienced by some of us, people and their beliefs have started to change. Human beings have this tendency to always squeeze in a grey area  between two extremes and that my friends gives birth to " Love cum arranged marriage" .
It usually goes like this :
Step 1 : Girl love guy
Step 2 : Guy love girl
Step 3 : Guy goes with his parents to Girl's house. Guy shows off MBA degree , appeals to Dad. Guy shows off culinary skills, appeals to Mom. Guys take little brother on a sports bike , win for the little brother who didn't care anyway.
Step 4 : Girl cooks a 9 course meal, for the Guy's 9 generations , wears a saree while serving it - impresses EVERYBODY.
Step 5 : Parents discuss and eventually agree in a way that makes the bride and groom feel like they had been done a favour.
Step 6 : Thats it there are just 5 steps. Yeah and then the wedding ofcourse, more like since I have so much money lets stuff 500 odd people with it .

  With changing times forever also has become a relative term , and marriages break just as easily as they were made. And marriage is no more the solemn bond you swore to keep for life and something you would stick around with even when its making you unhappy. All you can wish for is that things will work out , there will be those times when you consider the option of homicide but others times its just comfortably tolerable  and when you make it through all that you without even knowing it have a successful marriage.

| There is a biblical story that says , 40 days before a male child is born , the universe shouts out the name of the girl he will marry. 
  I don't know how true that is but I do agree that someone is made for everyone and the universe conspires to unite the two souls (filmy I know , i know ) and one day someone will come and explain why it never worked out with anybody else and then it won't matter whether you have a love marriage or an arranged or if you had a grand wedding or a simple one. What will matter is that you'll are together. |

Check out this awesome short film on arranged marriage :D

PS : This is the first time I have ever written for a contest and I am a little nervous.
This post is a part of Indiblogger and Sony Entertainment's contest " Love Marriage ya Arranged" based on Sony's new show that is to air soon go checkout their facebook page here Love Marriage ya Arranged Marriage? 


Saturday, 23 June 2012

Blogoversary :D


Finally this day has come. I had planned to write this post in many ways but now that the time to write it is finally here I have absolutely nothing to say. My baby is ONE :D
   Blogging was a result of absolute boredom and an encouraging friend's nagging . I want to make one of those cheesy and oh so emotional speeches about completing a year on the blogosphere. And no amount of cheese will actually explain how I truly feel. My blog is a part of my personality now. Its one of my special things , a place I call home. What a hell of a year it has been and this space of mine has been like a outlet for steam. Some really weepy posts also happened, so did many happy. It made me question , realize and understand many things about myself that I had never known. More importantly I read writing by some amazing people and made some awesome friends ( More on them later ) 
    103 Posts , 101 followers  friends and 365 days later I can safely say I am a boastful yet better person. This blog gave me something to look forward to everyday. A new comment , a new follower , a new connection with a fellow blogger was somethig I started to look forward to each day. I blog with an anonymous name , though somehow everyone seems to know my real name . Not a very good undercover agent I'll make. But I like it that way. If you took the pains to stalk me well you deserve to know my name :P A very big thank you to all those people who never run out of encouraging words and all those people who read my posts and spared some time to leave all those generous comments. I was not expecting a soul to read my blog, leave alone comment on it with the exception of my best friend ofcourse cause I email , text , gtalk and bbm, the link of each new post to her. So thank you for this total surprise and proving me wrong ( Doesn't happen alot :P )
 A VERY BIG THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU PEOPLE READING THIS RIGHT NOW . YOU ALL MADE AND STILL MAKE ME SMILE :D


Now move the spot light off me , cause this post would be incomplete without me mentioning some amazing and beautiful people I know because of my blog . Thank you all for touching my life in big and small ways :)
Thank you Indiblogger for organising the beautiful blogger's meet along with Stayfree and Unicef. I never got the chance to blog about it . But it was a wonderful evening with a lot of interesting women from all walks on life , it was truly an evening to remember :)
Thank you Blogadda for the nice books you'll send me :)

Also , all my old friends who are also on the blogosphere  - My life and everything that touches it , Reviews and Reminiscence , Mental Excreta , The Girl with A Motormouth & Pink Pebbles

And a very BIG thank you to Vishant who made me blog :)