Thursday, 9 August 2012

On running and all that .


I've been running from no one or nothing in particular but I just seem to be running from the truth, from people , from myself.Maybe I think too much into things, maybe its not true at all, maybe I just don't see the sunny side of things. I don't know I just don't feel happy. Like , nothing really makes me happy anymore , no goal to work towards, no event to look forward to and no satisfaction of something well done. Stuck in a rut? Maybe.
    Stuck in making a career which doesn't interest me , but don't know what I'd rather do. Want to get out of it impulsively., without a backup plan. Hundred things to worry about and hundred questions to answer to various people. Why? Why should I answer anyone's questions , My Life and My Decisions. Doesn't work that way. No one literally NO BLOODY ONE bothered to tell me growing up would be THIS bad. I would have done so much better with my childhood, like invent an anti aging mechanism with all the free time I had back then . Don't roll your judgemental eyes at me , I could do it . I was a smart kid ok? Ok.
    I feel talking to anyone is too much work so I don't . I feel doing just about anything is too much work. Add a annoying back ache to that which refuses to go away and you have a couch potato. I can't even lie around on my couch anymore in peace. The newest addition to the family , my adorable Cocker Spaniel pup refuses to get off me if I try to sit anywhere in the living room. So if I want alone time it has to be locked up in  my room only , which also annoys me on many levels. I see a text , I just let it slide. I see a missed call and I say to myself , I'll call back and never do. I want a holiday. But guess what a holiday won't help either cause I know I have to come back to this annoying rut all over again.
  In school when they used to ask what would you like to be when you grow up , I would say something new everytime , and maybe that is exactly the problem. I want to do too many things and so I am never happy where  I am , no but seriously who is happy about auditing accounts. :\
   Sometimes I feel I'm just doing it all wrong , and somewhere down the line it will all magically make sense. But the wait till that magical place is killing me . Literally. I even tried to quit my job and try something new. But my boss needed time to decide about whether he wants to let me go or if we can work something out. I do respect him and so couldn't say no. I'm so awkward at these things anyway. How do you go ahead and quit your job? How do you tell your boyfriend you don't feel like speaking to him for sometime without hurting him? How do you avoid texts with BBM letting the world know that you read the message but still aren't replying. ? I feel so responsible for little - little things. This blog for instance , I feel so guilty when I don't write for a while. How does it matter anyway, I always say I started this blog for myself and I don't care if anyone reads it or not and suddenly I see myself checking if I have a new follower or feeling bad when my last post was more than a month ago. All this is just getting to me now. Also I am suffering from a block , of ideas , thoughts and emotions. So I have nothing to write about either. I have no time for myself at all and I'm still twenty. I don't have a life beyond work and attending classes. I am always picking between two or more things , I can either sleep till late atleast on Sunday or I can go for class , I can either watch a movie or study for the exam next day. I can either eat dinner out and sleep late which will ultimately lead to no college the next day. I literally have to steal life out of the moments that are just racing past me in a ferrari. 
 Reminds me of this awesome poem I had in school ,  I used to love it and I used to think to myself I would never be too busy to do the things I love. Well if you want to make life laugh tell her your plans. Bite Me :D

What is this life if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare?—
No time to stand beneath the boughs,
And stare as long as sheep and cows:
No time to see, when woods we pass,
Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:
No time to see, in broad daylight,
Streams full of stars, like skies at night:
No time to turn at Beauty's glance,
And watch her feet, how they can dance:
No time to wait till her mouth can
Enrich that smile her eyes began?
A poor life this if, full of care,
We have no time to stand and stare.

Yes I just ranted big time , and you lost 5 minutes of your life that you will never get back.

 Say hello to my Baby :D , her name is Coco she is going to turn 3 months old soon and is probably the only thing that is keeping me sane :) We got her a month ago.
I wanted to share this happy news earlier but just couldn't , my apologies.


  1. Hi Coco! You are gorgeous! :)

    I sincerely hope you did not buy her, instead adopted here from a local institution.

    1. well yes and no . nobody gives cocker spaniel puppies for free :s

  2. Looks like you've caught the Yips - looks like you could seriously use a vacation - never underestimate the value of vacation btw; if you don't have time for that try swimming - not just as a sport but it helps in clearing stuff up.

    Cheers :)

    1. Thank you for the suggestions , I truly need a long never ending vacation :D
      I'm hydrophobic so swimming is kinda out of question, and yips totally it happens to be contagious :P

  3. Quarter-life crisis darling, that's what it seems like. So I just hope it will pass. All the best! Life is strange, it bites sometimes and heals some other times. Just give time, time. I know you will come out of this phase well and strong :)


  4. Take a break girl. Clear your head. Go on a vacation or do anything that takes your mind off stuff!

    Coco is sooo freaking cute. I wanna play :D (only if I wasn't scared of coming near them) :/ .. But me likey :D

    1. Come and visit her , she won't bite promise ( ok maybe she will a little bit but thats only cause she is teething :P )
      thank you Confused Soul :)

  5. First things first .... that little pup is so cute!!
    Ok, next - you need to go do stuff that will put a smile on your face, and keep it there for a while. And with jobs, let me just tell you what my boss told me - the day you don't feel like jumping out of bed to start work, start looking for plan B".... so, either your boss starts looking for something you enjoy doing, or you break the news - again! BTW... if you can't tell your boyfriend stuff now, imagine having to live with someone your whole life, and not being able to tell him how you feel. Either way, either the B/F needs practice, or you do.... :-) Agree with Keirthana ... looks like quarter life crisis!

    1. Well I have been looking for plan B from the minute I chose to do this , I just can't seem to figure it out ..too deep into something to be able to do something else atleast until one thing is over.
      And the jumping out of bed thing I totally agree. My bed literally has to push me off it to go to work :P

      Thank you so much Ni =)

  6. relateable post #i've-lost-count.
    do tell me if you find a solution!
    and coco is adorable :)