Have You ?

 

Every night I lie there on my bed thinking of all the "IFs"

If I had called you when you left.

If I had stopped you when you cried

If I had hugged you when you yelled at me.

If I had married the guys my parents picked and not waited for you

If I had chosen a better career

If I hadn't had that abortion.

If I hadn't changed cities.

If I hadn't met you at all.

If I had jumped of that bridge that day.

    All these contemplations , all these IFs drive me crazy every night. I'm sure you sleep peacefully though. I'm sure you don't think about me at all. 

       Have you ever tried getting lost in your own world sometimes. A world you created for yourself out of nothingness , with people you chose and they behaved the way you'd like them . A sort of imaginary place where you make the choices and you decide how things will turn out . I have.

      Have you ever tried to do away with the pain by deciding to not feel at all . To not feel , to not think , to not love , to not hate , to not give , to not take. I have.

      Have you decided to cover old pain with new one. Have you deliberately entered a trap to hurt yourself to forget the pain you felt before the new pain . I have.

     Have you ever tried to hold on to something that broke you inside everyday. Have you ever tried not giving up on something that caused only hurt and betrayal. I have.

     Have you imagined yourself to be someone else. Have you ever wished you were someone else , because they had everything you've ever wanted. I have.
Have you ever wanted to put an end to it by putting an end to yourself. Have you ever tried to quit but failed. I have.
Have you ever forced yourself to be happy while every inch of you was crying inside. Have you ever faked a smile so that no one can see exactly how broken you are. I have.

     Have you ever tried to build your faith after every let down and tried again , but only fallen down worse. I have.

    Have you ?

This is the inspiration for today but I really liked the first picture which was the inspiration for Day 22 . But for some reason I couldn't post then so here it is. A little cheating I know , adjust please :)

This post is the last post in Kanika's Fantabulous February - Blog everyday month :( I'm feeling really bad its over you can checkout her awesome blog here .
Also Soumi is going to do Memorable March for us , so do try and join in . You can visit her blog here