Wednesday, 29 February 2012

Have You ?

Every night I lie there on my bed thinking of all the "IFs"
If I had called you when you left.
If I had stopped you when you cried
If I had hugged you when you yelled at me.
If I had married the guys my parents picked and not waited for you
If I had chosen a better career
If I hadn't had that abortion.
If I hadn't changed cities.
If I hadn't met you at all.
If I had jumped of that bridge that day.
    All these contemplations , all these IFs drive me crazy every night. I'm sure you sleep peacefully though. I'm sure you don't think about me at all. 
       Have you ever tried getting lost in your own world sometimes. A world you created for yourself out of nothingness , with people you chose and they behaved the way you'd like them . A sort of imaginary place where you make the choices and you decide how things will turn out . I have.
      Have you ever tried to do away with the pain by deciding to not feel at all . To not feel , to not think , to not love , to not hate , to not give , to not take. I have.
      Have you decided to cover old pain with new one. Have you deliberately entered a trap to hurt yourself to forget the pain you felt before the new pain . I have.
     Have you ever tried to hold on to something that broke you inside everyday. Have you ever tried not giving up on something that caused only hurt and betrayal. I have.
     Have you imagined yourself to be someone else. Have you ever wished you were someone else , because they had everything you've ever wanted. I have.
Have you ever wanted to put an end to it by putting an end to yourself. Have you ever tried to quit but failed. I have.
Have you ever forced yourself to be happy while every inch of you was crying inside. Have you ever faked a smile so that no one can see exactly how broken you are. I have.
     Have you ever tried to build your faith after every let down and tried again , but only fallen down worse. I have.
    Have you ?

This is the inspiration for today but I really liked the first picture which was the inspiration for Day 22 . But for some reason I couldn't post then so here it is. A little cheating I know , adjust please :)

This post is the last post in 
Kanika's Fantabulous February - Blog everyday month :( I'm feeling really bad its over you can checkout her awesome blog here .
Also Soumi is going to do Memorable March for us , so do try and join in . You can visit her blog here


  1. oh my gosh! I loved reading this. cool. you got a nice style.

  2. Seriously BBB, this was amazing and the picture compliments your words so well ;)

  3. I absolutely love these "keep calm" slogans. Sorta like a weird mantra right now. And I have tried, I think somewhere we all have, and to an extent- we all do. The what-if analysis has infinite solutions, and only one certain problem, being us itself.
    I think =)

    1. Thank you for reading.
      Its nice to have a what if analysis once in a while :)

  4. It's sad how many times I said "I have" while reading this. :|
    "decided to cover old pain with new one." :)

  5. My!!my!! I'm wondering if this was truth or fiction??? Ithe words, calm, yet shout out! Scream aloud the anguish, the frustration and perhaps wht life has made the girl go through! It made me ask so many qstns to myself!

    A thought provoking one Bling!

    1. Thank You Aakriti :D A little bit of both. Everyone has these moments don't they. :)

  6. Amazing !! Loved the poem absolutely !! In depth thoughts just bubbles in such simple profound way that lingers deep ! This is one poem that made me switch from being a regular silent reader to a commentator. This was one of THE best in recent times. Awesome in fact !

    1. thank you so much , I'm so glad you decided to leave a comment. Its always nice to read :)

  7. If only we had the answers...*Sigh*

  8. A very heartfelt post Blu.. Just loved the flow of it all.. :)
    I can so relate to so many things that you have written here. I loved that girl's pic.. I can just stare at it and get lost in it.. Lovely..

    1. Thank you Aditi and welcome to my blog :D :)

  9. IF i had not stumbled upon your blog
    IF i had not read all the amazing posts on your blog
    IF i had not been inspired by your writings
    IF i had not commented on your posts
    IF i had not enjoyed everything you write
    IF i could answer all these IFs :P

  10. hahaha :D Thank you Muhammad :D :D :D

  11. -Useful info! I bookmarked it.